Why not choose hope?
“I don’t want to get my hopes up.”
‘Don’t get your hopes up.”
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. We say it to ourselves. We warn others. We don’t want to feel too excited or get too happy because what if it doesn’t work out? You might be disappointed? So, if that is true, we shouldn’t get excited about something that might happen and feel joy and happiness about it. We should feel what exactly? Neutral? Numb? Pessimistic? What exactly are we protecting ourselves from? And, is there really a benefit from that protection?
What is so bad about letting ourselves be happy for a moment? If you find out you might get a job, go on a date, buy a house, whatever, and you start to feel tingles of excitement, maybe proud of yourself, you can imagine doing it, you can taste what it will feel like… Take a minute and remember that for yourself. What do you get out of that moment? Maybe you feel energized by the possibility. Maybe a little lighter. Maybe you feel hopeful. What do you gain or lose by allowing yourselves those feelings? How does that affect the rest of your day?
Then that voice comes and warns you, you tamp it down. It might not happen so don’t dream or get carried away. What exactly does that do for you? What is the trade-off? Will the disappointment be less sharp because you didn’t experience the happy anticipation? Is choosing neutral or numb better? Is it better to be neutral and numb in the present so that this possible outcome of pain is maybe lessened? Will you truly be less disappointed because you didn’t let yourself experience pleasure from the potential win? What is true for you?
I went on a trip of a lifetime recently. That is a story for another post. The planning started a year and a half ago. I had 18 months to think about it, fantasize what it might be like. The pure joy I got from the anticipation and hope that it would be all that I wanted gave me so much energy, so much to hold on to during this awful last year. This is a low stakes example, I get it, it was a trip. But should I have not let myself use the potential positive to bolster me up because it could have gone very wrong? Should you not enjoy the ice cream because it will be gone and then you won’t have any tomorrow? Superficial examples to consider. I know in this rotten job market it might be draining (and quite frankly unrealistic) to get your hopes up for every job you apply to. But when you are interviewing, what would it be like to let yourself be happy for a moment, to let that moment or day be a good one, even if it ends in disappointment? What if you let yourself enjoy the possibility of succeeding, getting that promotion, winning that award, choosing that new thing? The older I get the more I understand how much we need to notice and hold onto the good moments and let ourselves feel it all, happiness and pain. If I am honest, I don’t actually feel less disappointed when things don’t work out. So, what do you think? What might be possible for you, what might change, what will gain if you choose hope? Try it and let me know what you think.